Garbage

I want to throw up. I feel completely used, humiliated and helpless in a situation that I cant seem to control. How do u make someone come back to you when they dont seem to care about u anymore? u have no value to them. They took what was needed and they just dropped u. It happened so quick that i dont even know what was going on. Everything just stopped. So subtle. What is my worth now? For a time, he made me feel that I was okay. He was a confirmation that I existed and Im part of this world. He held me like there was no tomorrows. Now that hes gone, what am I suppose to do? How do I fill up the time that we were suppose to spend together? Time passes so slow, and I feel so empty. I want to cry so bad, but I cant. I want to scream but nothing comes out. What now?

Frusturation

I feel drained....emotionally. I'm so tired about having trying to fix everyone lives when it doesnt really work in the first place. In the end, I just wonder whats the freaking point? Everyone is so god damn upset over nothing. People get pissed at me for reasons that I dont comprehend. I feel used, thrown away like a piece of garbage. I just want to be happy. Why does happiness comes at such a hard price? And no guys, I dont work in a way where you can one day be happy with me and the next day u treat me like crap. I have feelings too. Sometimes, I feel like people are so absorbed in their own misery that they dont acknowledge that there are other people around them who gets infected too. They think that they are in the bottom of their lives and they think that they are the only victims. Im sorry but that is not true. When you get upset, u dragged down the people who cares about you. We dont know what you are thinking and we dont know how to help you. Cant u understand our helplessness? I feel like I watch you change from being really happy to reaching rock bottom, yet I cant save u from your own fall. I get upset too. So why cant u at least try to tell me whats wrong? Instead of shoving people away, why cant u at least let us into your world and share your pain?

And lately I've been feeling more lonely than ever. Maybe its the lack of words that people say, and people just slowly pushing me away from their lives. Recently, during a survey, theres a question: "What is your meaning of life?" My meaning? I dont have one. I live for my parents. I dont live for myself and I certainly dont live for life. Its too hard and I dont fucking care about anyone or anything anymore. I just want to go through life stressfree and not having to worry about what I did wrong, or how other's actions can hurt me. I just want to say to the world, "FUCK YOU, FUCK THIS".