Reality

Coming home has been kind of hard. Leaving Hong Kong, I had aspirations to do so much and for the first time I felt like I had control over my life. My goal was to fix myself so that I have enough courage to face the world, listen to my friends and people who truly needed me and make my life just a little more meaningful. But in the end, I realized that maybe I wont be able to accomplish what I set out to achieve. I dont know how to fix myself, my friends ultimately dont really need me and what should I be doing to make my life more meaningful?

SO I sat down with most of my friends these days and we discussed about what friendship should be and mean. I mentioned that I made some amazing friends in HK because they didnt give a shit about my actions. They like me for what I am and I didnt have to prove anything to them. They simply carried the belief that I was a good friend and that I would be there for them. I've never encountered that before. New York represented a place of materialism where I had to constantly prove my place as friend by buying gifts, always giving and receiving less than what I bargained for. I hate this kind of life and I'm so sick of it. Whatever happened to hanging out without a goddamn agenda and just meeting up because I just wanna spend quality time with you? Why does everything have to happen for a reason?

Today I talk with another friend and she mentioned to me that this is the reality of life. Unlike Hong Kong, we can't simply see each other and hang out because we all have to work. Let's face it, most of our buddies are from low working classes and our families dont support us anymore. In another words thats when materialism comes into play. Hanging out is simply a luxury. We hang because we could finally breathe from our school and work, and since we are deprived of the time we compensate by giving gifts to each other. The pricier the gift, the better the relationship. Its like a quick 5 minute relationship that u can simply buy.

But if we are doing this now, does that mean we will never change? We will be working for the rest of our lives, so does that mean we ought to be materialistic for the rest of our lives? A third friend mentioned that society conforms us to what we are. No, thats just saying that we have absolutely no control over our own lives. Yes society is a part of us, but it does not influence all of our beliefs. If we are determined enough, we can make so much changes. Why is everyone accepting defeat when they havent even try? Its great having your own perspectives changed, but what then when u come back home finding that nobody changed and u might never be able to change them?