Fighting

I woke up groggy-eyed and feeling shitty and tired. Last night's fight is still on my mind and I just don't feel like picking up the phone to call. Our issue has always been the same with you yelling at me telling me that I'm expecting too much from you and that you have tried your best. I told you again for the 50th millionth time that your best isn't enough. You don't have the freaking time. You're right, sometimes I look at other people and see how they are always together. But is that too much to ask? You told me to give you time and I carried my end of the promise. What about you? New baggages, duties, responsibilities always come in the way. I have to fight through each and every one just to grab your attention. I can't help but feel disappointed each time and the same old things run through my mind. How I got sick so bad and I had to beg you to come and see me when I got well, how you don't want to go on a vacation with me, how every other week I had to ask to see when it would be a good time for you to come home, when I ask you to put aside a day and you freak out and say I'm pushing you, being understanding to the fact you hate movies, sweets, going out to eat things that I liked doing.

SO I became sympathetic and you thought I was pushing. I told you I'm giving up and you analyzed my feelings based on my hormones. I told you I'm not waiting anymore and you explained that because I have so much time to give, thats why I feel this way. Well you know what? I wanted to be normal. I want to go out, I want to watch movies, go on vacations, see things, be with my bf on a constant basis and just do the things i like doing. I compromised it all for you and thats the reason why I feel so hollow. I feel hollow with you and even without you. SO quit analyzing me asshole. Take this for a change.