Strange

So I was reading a blog of my friend and I can't even tell you how long it has been since I've even went on a blog page. It was a chapter that was closed at one point and I just suddenly felt prompted to read some of my old posts. How strange it feels to be connecting to a part of me that was so long ago...

After reading my posts, I realized that the fundamentals haven't changed. I'm stuck in a crossroad once again and fear is still my companion. As my partner said it so eloquently one night, he doesn't understand why I cant seem to get out of this rut. The world doesn't wait for you. If you don't catch up, you will fall behind. That's what I feel: a little betrayed, a little like this world just left me behind, forgotten about me, slowly disappearing.  Sometimes I go on these little gatherings with friends thinking I can find myself again, only to feel worse than before. I get lost in conversations, get a little jealous, panic and run away. What is it that I had envisioned for myself? I don't really remember. Everything is such a blur and I'm not sure where to begin.